Josh In Five Songs: Part 1

I've heard it said that music is the language of the soul. I realized five or six years ago that the music I immersed myself in rarely expressed anything I was actually feeling, so I stopped listening to it. I didn't replace it with anything---just simply let that aspect of my life die out. I now believe this was detrimental to my soul. My roommates, all far more musically inclined than I, make fun of me because I don't have anything on my ipod other than RPM music. And yet, despite their ridicule, I am slowly rebuilding my inventory of music that means something to me. We've occasionally discussed the idea of each of us presenting five songs to the others: five songs that tell your story/sum you up/express what's going on in your soul. I was ready to go, but we never did it, and at this point I'm pretty sure we never will.* So all of you, my faithful blog followers, get it instead.

*[They also promised me a music intervention where they would both help me discover my taste and provide me with what they deemed quality music, but that never happened either. Woe is me.]

I should point out that these are not necessarily my five favorite songs; rather, they are the five songs that most adeptly sing the language of my soul. I'm presenting them as a progressive narrative of sorts, with each song describing a shift in my spiritual journey that remains a significant part of me today. I thought this would be better than simply trying to rank them in order from fifth-to-favorite (though the last one is truly my favorite song). With all that intro stuff out of the way, I give you part one of the first official series to appear on this blog. Click the link to hear the song.

Mad World, by Tears for Fears*

"All around me are familiar faces;
Worn out places, worn out faces;
Bright and early for their daily races;
Going nowhere, going nowhere;

Their tears are filling up their glasses;
No expressions, no expressions;
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow;
No tomorrow, no tomorrow;

And I find it kind of funny;
I find it kind of sad;
The dreams in which I'm dying;
Are the best I've ever had;
I find it hard to tell you;
I find it hard to take;
When people run in circles it's a very very;
Mad world. Mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good;
Happy birthday, happy birthday;
Made to feel the way that every child should;
Sit and listen, sit and listen;

Went to school and I was very nervous;
No one knew me, no one knew me;
Hello teacher what's my lesson;
Look right through me, look right through me;

And I find it kind of funny;
I find it kind of sad;
The dreams in which I'm dying;
Are the best I've ever had;
I find it hard to tell you;
I find it hard to take;
When people run in circles it's a very very;
Mad world. Mad world.
Enlarging your world. Mad world."

*[Redone and popularized in the movie, Donnie Darko.]

I first heard this song when some of my friends used it in a presentation for a graduate theology class. It's probably the most depressing song I know.

I live in a constant state of existential crisis. Sometimes it's mild, lurking beneath the surface, only pricking my thoughts on occasion; other times it's rampant, constantly filling my awareness in a way I can't possibly ignore. The great question: does any of this matter? My life, the decisions I make, the world I live in, the entire cosmos...does any of it mean anything? I look around and just see so much futility. I see people, both individuals and entire systems, stuck in a rut, a seemingly endless destructive cycle that they can't find a way out of. Nothing changes.*

*[The first chapter of the Bible's most disheartening book says it succinctly and poetically.]

Mad World voices this darkness like none other. Physically and emotionally exhausted people running in a rat race with no hope of a finish line. Depressed but hiding their pain, lacking any sort of authentic community. The only escape is in death, that great equalizer that renders everything meaningless. Given these dynamics, how could the world be anything but mad?

There has to be something more. There has to be something beyond the shallow futility offered by so many. We have to be able to "enlarge" this world---as the penultimate phrase of the song suggests---into something other than the forlorn masquerade parading before our eyes day in and day out. Otherwise, we're just stuck in a very very mad world. That's a thought I can't stand. I want there to be something bigger, something grander that can save humanity; sometimes, however, it's all I can do to muster the willpower to keep myself from being sucked into mad world's whirlpool. And that's why this song sings the language of my soul.

A spontaneous Rockstar award for Shelly Tipper, who gave me the ipod which now houses all my RPM music. And while I'm at it, one for Muffin as well, because he gave me a cord for said ipod.